I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
