How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
