party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
