I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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