Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
