i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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