i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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