The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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