Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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