Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
