What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
