mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
