I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
