im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am one with the molecules
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
