That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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