really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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