he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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