i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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