I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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