Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
