You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
