now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize