Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
