do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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