we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
