so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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