Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
