dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
