the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
