I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize