This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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