i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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