so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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