Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
pray to the hookup gods
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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