The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
