i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
