Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
