remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
