I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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