i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
