I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
