I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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