How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
