I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
