it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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