He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just had sex bonerless
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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