i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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