I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
