i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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