so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
