The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
