I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
