What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
