I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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