I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
