Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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